Rickey Smiley's New Book Is Memoir of Loss, Faith and Healing

Photo courtesy of Audible.com

By Llerraj Esuod

Grief Behind the Laughter

Rickey Smiley, host of the top-rated, nationally syndicated urban radio show and a proud alum of Alabama State University, has endured profound personal loss.

His new book, Sideshow: Living with Loss and Moving Forward with Faith, is a memoir of tears and triumph. It’s an unflinching look into a father’s worst nightmare—blended with pockets of joy that remind the weary how even a flicker of light can dispel the darkness when hearse wheels roll into your life.

“I hope that this book will not only give people permission to grieve but also inspire and encourage them never to give up,” Smiley said.

A History of Heartbreak

Tragedy marked Smiley’s life long before the famed Que Dog barked across campus, and he rose to international stardom. At just six years old, he lost his father, Calvin Huntley Smiley, to a long battle with drug addiction.

Decades later, he faced a second, unimaginable blow—the death of his 32-year-old son, Brandon Smiley, an aspiring comedian who died from fentanyl toxicity.

Foreshadowed Pain and a Father’s Regret

A haunting scene from TV One’s Rickey Smiley for Real foreshadowed Brandon’s fate. In it, Brandon confided to his sister D’Essence that he had battled substance abuse and was running out of options.

On January 29, 2023, Brandon died. The loss shattered Rickey’s world, filling him with grief, sorrow, and aching regret that his son could not outrun the addiction that ultimately claimed his life.

The Club No Parent Wants to Join

In Sideshow, Smiley writes candidly about what it means to bury a child—an act that rewires the soul. He shares the irrevocable impact of Brandon’s death: the daily struggles, the moments of overwhelming sorrow, and the transformation of his outlook on life and death.

“When you lose a child, you are not the same,” he shared. “Don’t let anyone tell you differently... The only other people you can recognize are those who have lost children.”

Grief Is Generational

But Brandon wasn’t the first heartbreak Rickey bore witness to.

“On April 11, 1974, I’ll never forget watching my grandparents—especially my grandfather—bury my father,” Smiley recalled.

His father was only 25. In that moment, Rickey saw something he would later understand all too well: the burden of being strong for others when you’re breaking inside. He and his grandfather both stepped up to lead through loss, setting aside their grief to help others carry the weight of sorrow.

Faith as a Lifeline

Smiley turns to his faith for the peace that surpasses understanding, leaning mainly on the words of Isaiah 49:15–16: “Can a woman forget her suckling child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb?”

Although the verse centers on a mother’s love, Smiley sees his pain reflected there as well. A father’s grief, he says, is no less sacred—carved into the very palms of God’s hands.

Humor, Heartache, and Healing

Throughout Sideshow, Smiley blends humor with heartache, navigating the tension between public laughter and private lament. As a comedian and radio host, people expect him to deliver punchlines—but inside, he’s often battling the heaviness of loss.

“Writing the book was cathartic,” he shared.

Still, he feels called to use his platform to help others heal. Losing Brandon has changed him. His absence—how he left—burns a hole in Rickey’s joy. But instead of letting the pain consume him, he’s documenting it—determined that Brandon’s life and death will not be in vain.